The best feeling.

is to sleep when you get sleepy regardless of what you're up to, i.e updating blog posts in the middle of the night with the help of Good Charlotte - Hold On.

We don't choose, we just fall.

the previous post I mentioned about the crap of happy faces and horny and etc; it made me think. so let's get back to it. yeah I wouldn't want to see their full of smiles and big laughs faces as there was me, standing all alone. for me it was so not fair. but on the same time, I don't want to be part of them. ish entah tak faham lah.

I'm the type that would care less about this single/in a relationship/complicated things ya know? so I'm single and so I live on my own bare feet and so what? what? I could tell I'm dependent enough but ya lah, women will always be women. one hell of complicated trait and difficult to handle.

I guess that was when I refuse happiness. oh don't get me wrong. I still treasure happiness but with a different definition. I valued families too since I'm nobody without them but sometimes it was too hard to please people. I discovered that you can prevent hurt by creating gaps and trust me it worked.

eh sudah, bukan pasal tu.

I find some girls can't live on their own as if they were made to be with boys all the time. oh come on get a life lah. tak kan kau dah tau boyfriend kau main belakang dengan perempuan cantik lain kau nak duduk diam and buat-buat tak tau macam katak bawah tempurung? it's not breaking up is the best solution but at least you should talk over it. kan? itu pun kalau tak nak jadi loser lah.

nampak tak? there's nothing wrong being single anyway. tak payah lah jaga tepi seluar jeans orang asyik tanya dah ada boyfriend ke belum. MENYAMPAH. Beyonce pun cherish all the SINGLE LADIES tau tak (eh ke Christina Aguilera?) kalau tak, tak ada la dia sibuk-sibuk buat lagu.

huh.

tak faham apa aku merepek meraban? biar, tak payah susah-susah nak faham. emmm tapi nak tulis jugak, it's because people are jugdmental these days.

It would not bring me anywhere.

done and should I say, breathe easy?

today's last paper and there, I'm done with semester 1. realizing the fact of 7 more semesters to go scare me enough. urghhh the workloads and the junks of presentation and the piles of worksheets, trust me there can't be any worse.

I'll make through, the toughest me.

only on Fri morning I'll be heading home so there's plenty of time before Fri come and for once I don't have a clue of what to do to spend my time. should I be talking and gossiping all through? or should I be packing my things and stored them already so that I won't run around busy packing the stuff on the very day I'll be going home?

haha gilaaa.

oh Fri will be the akad nikah day for Kak Long. so little cousin here just want to wish you all the best and selamat pengantin baru! hehe. I won't attend the akad nikah thing since I'll be arriving AS around 4-5 pm and the akad nikah too will be around 4-5 pm the same Fri. we're talking about this coming Fri, ok people?

:)

ok-ok I have this one secret. act I can just simply tumpang my uncle and auntie yang nak rush back to Kedah to attend the akad nikah on Thursday night so that I won't miss the event but I chose oppositely since I don't feel like attending any type of majlis kahwin these days. hehe. some might say, ush tak baik lah she's your first cousin, this is the first wedding in the family, don't you think you should be there and blablabla but I don't care. if I don't want to, then I don't see why I should force myself to do so.

it won't make any difference if I'm there or not. the akad nikah will still happen without me and the couple will still be happy without me and my parents will still be there to celebrate them without me and the aunties, uncles will never ask about me if I'm not there cause they told me once they get used to the non-presence of me in the family.


haha you might think what the fuck was that kan?
so that's why I'm not making any effort in attending the akad nikah.

lagipun, I'm not ready to face all the happy and horny faces all around me yet. I even told Bapak and Mak to stay there longer, maybe 2-3 days and I told them I'll be fine on my own. hehe I did told them to left some money and some food on the freezer too in case I don't want to go out. ngee~

Enna nanti jangan lupa ambik aku kat Shahab okie?
later!

Thousands men like me before.

menyampah pulak aku tengok advertisement kat tepi-tepi Facebook profile aku tadi. nak letak iklan 'cara memuaskan isteri hingga menjerit' jek. I guess people don't give a damn pun to those eyesores advert.

eeuuww gross.

ingat budak kecik tak ada account Facebook ke?
nasib baik tengah seronok dengar tracks free kat playlist myspace The Bourjuis.

nice day ppl~

Crossroads of herself in the middle.

it's an offline message I got from a friend. usually, I'll close the window in a second. but this time, when I read the first line, I was attracted to the language. so I continue reading till the last sentence. startled, I must say.

"Beritahu pada muslimah itu dirinya ibarat kaca; disentuh terguris, dihantuk serpih, dihempap berkecai. beritahu pada muslimah itu jaga tutur kata; cakap tinggi nanti dibenci, terlalu rendah dipijak pula, cakap sombong mengundang lawan, hati-hati meluah kata kerana mulut badan binasa. beritahu pada muslimah itu jaga tingkah laku; harga diri letaknya di situ, jangan meluru ikut telunjuk nafsu, sesekali tersilap langkah akan dihukum selamanya, keturunan dicerca payah, menyesal kemudian bukan faedah. beritahu pada muslimah itu jaga pakaian; ia cermin peribadi, juga lambang bangsa, di mana dan dalam keadaan mana pun, biar orang kenal dia orang ISLAM. beritahu pada muslimah itu simpan secebis malu; kerana malu itu sebahagian daripada IMAN."

aku pun mula berfikir. aku bercakap sesuka hati. mencarut memaki benda biasa. aku berkelakuan kadang-kadang menjelakkan orang lain walaupun belum ada yang mencaci perbuatan aku itu. aku berpakaian pun...entahlah. MALU? malu aku pun pada bukan tempatnya.

jadi, apa aku ada?

I guess there's some serious thinking I should be doing.

Pahit pun itu aku senyum.

nak balik yang sama boleh?

haihhh.

tak tau la sebab apa depressed sangat.

hmm suka hati aku ah.

aku memang mengada-ngada pun.

IMPORTANTE.

hilang.
hilang.
hilang.

aku tak tau la Bangla ka, Indon ka, Vietnam ka yang toreh beg aku and curi cellular phone tak-berapa-mahal aku kat Jalan TAR last Sat. uii bengang nya. memang la tak mahal sangat tapi agak-agak la. bukan aku tak bagi curi, tapi bagi la balik Sim Card dengan Memory Card aku. pencuri tersebut telah menyusahkan hari Sabtu dan Ahad aku kerana aku perlu pergi membuat replacement Sim Card bagai, save balik number semua manusia, serta beli phone cikai-cikai baru yang tetap berharga ratusan ringgit.

waaa marahnya aku!

rasanya seminggu dua ni kalau tengok Mat Bangla @ Mat Indon memang rasa nak bunuh ja. memang la aku tak tau siapa yang toreh beg Padini mahal hadiah birthday aku tapi instinct aku kuat mengatakan depa iaitu golongan Bangla @ Indon yang busuk. kalau aku tau orang Melayu yang buat memang aku lipat-lipat lepas tu rejam masuk lombong kat Sri Permaisuri tu.

baru puas hati.
huh.

so friends, care to text me your details? please.
I'm still using the same Maxis and Celcom number.
thanks and have a nice day~

Why isn't everything in just plain English? or Malay?

as all know, (ok maybe not everyone) I'm a big fan of books. tapi fiction ah. non-fiction tu lembab sikit nak habis. faham kan non-fiction? ngee. fiction pun tadak la sampai hentam semua Dan Brown tu. baca sehelai dua Vinci Code pun menguap bagai orang gilak dah. tambah-tambah nak baca Shahnon Ahmad just like Fren. huh. kalau boring sampai nak muntah pun belum tentu baca lagi.

literally, I read anything that I feel like reading and I bought a lot kat book-fair hari tu sampai Mak cakap 'lain kali beli la buku type lain pulak. ni asyik baca buku camni saja, kurang faedah' while she went through my racks of books kat rumah. konon nak pinjam baca la. cesss. padahal baca novel Kak Anis pun sebulan dua baru habis. she even highlight on 'buku camni la yang duk jajah minda budak-budak muda sekarang ni' I know that one is ayat yang tak boleh bla tapi at instant terus teringat Mr. PS and all his French movies bila dengar 'jajah minda' tu.

hahahahaha.

ok-ok I got what she meant. she wanted me to read the type titled Muslimah-Muslimah, Bina Jati Diri, Kelebihan Membaca and the list goes on. the thing is I didn't find any that captured my attention. so how am I going to read when I didn't even have the heart of buying it pun. betul tak? entah. I make excuses saja kut and by the way I think I myself can motivate me. I don't need books to tell me what to do and where to go or anything. haha riak tak?

sebenarnya.

sebenarnya..


sebenarnya...



nak cerita pasal this one Malay novel I bought titled 5 Tahun 5 Bulan. since all the girls were crazy about the novel, I decided to give it a try and I haven't finish reading it lagi pun. baru halfway. I find it quite interesting and impressive because the writer is an undergraduate student from overseas. so tak pelik lah dia describe Aberdeen serta bumi England dengan jayanya. tapi it gets bored when she (is it a she? idk. guessing saja) keep on repeating the same words all over again.

sebagai contoh :
putus fius
backhand
petala kelapan

itu saja kut. eh no there's more. tapi malas nak selak balik buku tu. sikit saja part boring tu. yang lain-lain best ah. I guess the writer is a big fan of punkrock + hardcore + indie + blablabla. itu yang tambahkan tahap impressive lagi tu because lagu nak Foo Fighter ja each time. takpun dengar Butterfingers yang loud-loud tu. hah kira stylo ah writer ni. lawak-lawak jenaka dia dalam novel tu pun tak pakai ayat 'bodoh ah kau ni' macam kita selalu guna, tapi pakai tetraklorometana dengan ragen Sudan III tau tak. haa ambik kau. smart kan? kan? kan?

if I can meet up with the writer myself I'll puji her tak ingat dunia and will ask where did she get the unusual idea when she writes. it seemed she knows everything. ada campur bahasa Terengganu dalam tu. ada berkaitan family tree Hang Jebat, Sultan Mansur bagai and so much more. I knew she had a lot on her mind. maybe from reading or maybe from her real life experience; entah I wouldn't know.

and thanks to her I reckon the word assassin again. dulu tengok kat Muse - Black Hole and Revelation punya track ja. hehe. to anyone who haven't read, I am SUGGESTING you guys to read it. trust me, this one isn't those mushy-mushy nya type. and the bright girl, Johana was very different from any other watak utama in any Malay novels. creepy tapi pandai masak!

:) :) :)

two thumbs up~

Yeah right the cliche had come true for her.

felt like ages since last crapping here.

I've been super duper positive between these three days. yes I'm back from home. not much special occasion but yet I'm longing for home so I decided to go back last Thursday.

eventhough Mat can't make it on that Sunday night.
:(

luckily I got Mak on the phone to drive me to the bus station. I saw Pak Tam tapi as usual I was sooo not berani to say hi to him and I ended up remained silence on one of those seat provided near the toilet and read PKK. percaya tak? dalam ayat mudah - aku baca buku PKK kat bus stop. sebab buku tu saja ada dalam bagpack aku during the time la! Nazat was there too cause he texted me while I'm in the bus saying he saw me. then Raihan approached me and on that very second I hopped onto the bus. sorry ah Nazat.

nanti hang bayaq parking, aku bayaq movie ok?
hahaha.

guess what did I get for myself on Monday? thanks to jisim Moll atom who'd helped me throughout the process on getting it. now I got it all for myself. haaaaa. seronok gila ah eventhough I didn't plan to make full use of it or to go out each day and snap here and there. to own it and to use it when I wanted to was just fine for me.

AT - can't wait to bergambar chantek!
KT - haa, dah beli ka?
KW - ada bau barang baru laa.

hahaha but I haven't told Mak dengan Bapak. entah. they seemed didn't care and they didn't ask me dengan panjang lebar pun when I insist for the money. so practically I'm enjoying the stuff and I will tell when I have the time or maybe when they have time to listen to me? ala anyhow I will tell them. I'm not somekind of gold-digger who look out for money saja la. I still have that daughter qualities within me.

sudah, tak payah sibuk lah.